Dreams

That is one beautiful family right there. We are all a little crazy, but ya already knew that!

I was going to write another fluff piece, my mom says those are her favorites, about the boys wonderful new daycare. Let’s be real though, most of you don’t come here for fluff, you come for the raw real emotional family stuff we never seem to escape.

I’ve had strong feelings lately. Right around this age for Brother is when we removed my IUD and actively looked to expand our family. And many people are announcing babies or complaining about the announcements. But there will be no more babies for us, though we wanted a huge family of 4 kids.

My body is awful and weak, but we figured it out before my actual death. I was selfish in wanting Brother, we knew Boogie should have been my last. How could else we get to four?!

My dreams of a daughter are dashed. Adeline Isabell is not to be. We cannot afford adoption or surrogacy (and you shouldn’t finance a child!) Foster care is an option but Captain has a hard time connecting to older children (not babies) and cannot bear the thought of losing her to the birth parents reunification. I am also whiny in the fact that I would love to name her, hold her at birth.

I will leave this up to God. He knows when our stories are complete. He knows what we need. I just pray He can hear my concerns but desires as well.

Xo, Chelsea

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