Insomnia Brain

I have neglected blogging because my children are nuts, my course load is insane, my farm continues to grow and I’m running out of time for it all!! So I’m sorry! But I hurts, so here I am, blogging at 6:15am on a Thursday. Not only because I love writing but because I love talking to y’all.

Last night was rough. I joined a consignment sale with three weeks to spare. This sale is ginormous, but you “only” get 60% back if you just drop off. I foolishly chose to work a shift on presale night so I could shop beforehand AND get 70% of my earnings. Let me clue you in on how it went:

1. Before even getting there, I ran late from leaving daycare with my precious spawn, but traffic was great! Until it wasn’t. I sat for 25 minutes trying to half a mile!!! We are half way through the two mile long construction zone when Boogie begins to profusely vomit. Having bitten into a rotten tomato at McDs, I was gagging and praying for it all to end.

2. WickedMIL is the best kind of human because she took my car, cleaned my child and his seat, and delivered them safely to Captain. I had all of 30 minutes to shop before I was supposed to check in. Weeping began immediately.

3. I was so anxious about being late, causing me to tremble and lose my thoughts constantly. I was second guessing everything I was picking up in the toy area. Before I even got to the clothing, the check out line was out the door. Panicking pursued. I bought two things Boogs NEEDS for the winter, but the rest is all… well I can say I’m not 100% sure I would have bought it with a clear mind. Between the people, the time, and the line, I was so late. And I aimlessly wondered, confused on everything. At 6:00pm exact, I show up to the stand with a bag full, sobbing that I’m late and don’t want to give up my items but wanted to work as well. They gave me permission to cut the line, run to my car, and get back without penalty. I checked out with the SWEETEST woman ever who helped me to my car. Thank you, Kitty!!

4. The shift, 6:00 – 10:00pm passed by quickly and in a blur. I met many nice people but it never stopped and there was NO fan going. Talk about brutal. I even stayed a little late trying to help clean. But I pleaded an hour and a half drive and left. I grabbed a decent supper, my car, and got home at 12:15am.

Hubs and I went straight to bed, as you can imagine. We were exhausted from the day’s events and had to be at 5:00am and 6:00am, respectively. 3:15 rolls around and my eyes pop open. Suddenly I was so awake that I cringed. Why?! Likely adrenaline from the night before, but I was also unable to take my insomnia medication since I needed to be up 6 hours later. Thoughts, scratching, crying. It happened for an hour and a half.

Charli was trained as my service dog, though she could not calm down enough to be taken in public. She nosed my hand around 3:45 and I encouraged her to sleep with me to help calm myself. Even Charli couldn’t help me, but she never left my side.

I fell asleep after Captain wakes to his first alarm and allows me to snuggle home for a while until he needs to leave. But that does not stop the nightmares that began.

Insomnia SUCKS! This might be “vulgar” language but it does. You end up hating yourself for not being normal and sleeping. You know there are a million ways to sleep naturally but you NEED medication or it takes hours to fall asleep and you’re lucky if you can stay asleep. Your mind runs, your anxiety and or depression peaks and it becomes havoc on your body.

I’m okay right now, I hope to have an early bed time tonight. I’m just exhausted from battling myself and overworking it. I go on vacation and scheduled myself so thin that I need another!

I hope you have a thankful Thursday!

Xo, Chelsea

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